These Words shared by A Father That Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to open up among men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - spending a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."